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You are currently browsing posts tagged joke.
- Compassion
Two deer hunters were standing on a ridge near a highway in rural West Virginia on the opening day of deer season.
They both spotted a large trophy class buck meandering towards them.
As the one hunter raised his gun to shoot, a funeral procession came slowly by. The hunter lowered his gun, took off his hat and stood with his head bowed until the procession was past. Of course by then, the deer was gone.
The other hunter exclaimed, “Wow! That was the most sportsmanlike act I’ve ever seen! You allowed this trophy buck to escape while showing such compassion and kindness toward someone’s dearly departed. You are a great humanitarian and a shining example to sportsmen throughout the world!”
The first hunter nodded and said, “Well, we were married for 42 years.”
(via an e-mail from dad)
- Little Johnny (via an e-mail from Dad)
The teacher said, “Let’s begin by reviewing some American History. Who said ‘Give me Liberty , or give me Death’?”
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Little Johnny, a bright Navajo Indian boy, who had his hand up: “Patrick Henry, 1775,” he said.
“Very good! Who said, ‘Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth’?”
Again, no response except from Little Johnny. “Abraham Lincoln, 1863.”
The teacher snapped at the class, “Class, you should be ashamed. Little Johnny knows more about history than you do.”
She heard a loud whisper: “Screw the Indians.”
“Who said that?” she demanded.
Little Johnny put his hand up: “General Custer, 1862.”
At that point, a student in the back said, “I’m gonna puke.”
The teacher glared around and asked, “All right!!! Now who said that!?”
Again, Little Johnny said, “George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.”
Now furious, another student yells, “Oh yeah? Suck this!”
Little Johnny jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, “Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!”
Now with almost mob hysteria someone said, “You little shit. If you say anything else, I’ll kill you.”
Little Johnny frantically yells at the top of his voice, “Michael Jackson to the child witnesses testifying against him, 2004.”
The teacher fainted.
And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor,
someone said, “Oh shit, we’re screwed!”
Little Johnny said quietly, “The American people, November 4, 2008.”
Dissolving Bikini is the Ultimate Revenge Gift
The sexy swimsuit disappears by dissolving in water, leaving a woman completely nude and embarrassed. The sexy black swimsuit looks like a real bikini, feels like a real bikini and fits like a real bikini. The only difference is it’s made from a material that completely melts away after a few seconds in water.
For Mel
